Women Love Misogyny

mansworld

We live in a misogynist society. I hear this word brandied about by pretty much everyone these days. Politicians, clergy, women’s groups, celebrities have all seemingly jumped on the soapbox to make a better world for women. The barrage of articles dealing with education, rape culture, genital mutilation are everywhere. Well I applaud these individuals and groups for putting women at the forefront in this modern society, I have to suggest that it is, to me, very clear, that women are largely responsible for keeping us under the patriarchal thumb. I’m sure that many women who read this will think I’m being too anal with my views. It will indeed be women, who think I’m just some bitter, old woman. I’d be the last to say I haven’t had some issues from my own experiences that have caused me to be a little set in my ways. That said, I will give you a prime example of things that drive me completely insane. These are little stories or posts, that women in particular, are sharing on social media. Posts, that I believe, continue to perpetrate our worthlessness and ingrain in the minds of women and men, boys and girls, the world over, that we are here to be subservient to our masters — men.

So let’s start with one of my favorite  examples:

Burnt Toast

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to cook for us and usually there would be nothing interesting about that.

But one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day at work, Mom placed a plate of jam and extremely burned toast in front of my Dad. I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast. But Dad just ate his toast and asked me about my day at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologizing to Dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned toast.”

Later that night, I went to hug Dad good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Mom put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired. And besides, burnt toast never hurt anyone but harsh words do! You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people I’m no exception; I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.”

What I’ve come to appreciate over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don’t.

So, once everyone is done wiping their tears away and able to focus, let’s begin. I know many/most of you are thinking how could I possibly find anything wrong with this lovely story. Hold on a minute, well I give my blood a chance to stop boiling. What could I possibly find wrong? How long are you here? I have seen this shared on social media by many women; some educated; some not. The one thing each of these women had in common was the awe factor. Each of these women shared this story dreaming, that they too might be so blessed, to have a man such as this in their life. Many of the women likely had a tear in their eye as this story pulled at their heartstrings. Bravo. This story did precisely what it was supposed to do. Written by a man, once a boy, taught an invaluable lesson by a talented misogynist.

What I would like to know, is why did no one have a problem with this story? Was it because the wonderful father/husband admitted his own shortcomings? After all, here was a man who admitted to being imperfect. Here was a man who would forget birthdays and anniversaries! The horror! The humanity! Did no one have a problem with the fact that,  “my Mom liked to cook for us and usually there would be nothing interesting about that”.? Well geez whiz, mom was probably just not that interesting. No one took issue with, “Your Mom put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired.“? So, let me get this straight… dad knew mom put in a long, hard day at work, but he couldn’t make his own toast? Would it have killed dad to make a real impact on his children and suggest that maybe mom should relax and he would make supper? I’m sure dad worked that day too, but everyone at the table knew that this had been a particularly hard day for mom. Yet everyone was content to sit at the table and let boring, old mom wait on them. I think if we look a little closer we might see that maybe, just maybe, mom was being passive aggressive when she presented dad with the extremely burned toast. Maybe mom was hoping dad would open that can of worms, but dad knew better. Dad knew this was no ordinary can of worms. This was a can of whoopass. He was smart enough to know that he should just smile and tell mom “Honey, I love burned toast” He knew to open the can might result in a future of making his own toast. He knew mom would get over it. She always did. I wonder if good old dad stepped up and cleaned up the supper mess, made sure homework was done, or took care of any of the countless jobs mom still had to do before it was her turn to relax.. Likely not – that was not his job.

I know many of you will think I’m a man hater. I’m not. It simply drives me completely insane when women post/share these stories on social media. Before I’m done reading this garbage I’m always aware of the collective sigh heard from women the world over. The awe factor is driven out of the ballpark by an all women team. Is there an important message in this post? Yes. The message for women is to stop being a doormat — stop expected service. I don’t think I’m asking too much. I’m simply asking that you read between the lines, before you share such crap.

Gillean Ollsin

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I’m a Genius and this is Important Shit.

helenI’m the kind of person that people go to with their problems. I think the reason for this, is that they want good advice and since I’m so smart and have the perfect life, they think they can trust me. (Which of course, they totally can) Now I don’t mean to blow my own horn – except I totally do or I wouldn’t be on here telling you this- but I give the best advice! If you have a cold, I might suggest chicken soup. Then again, I might suggest that you find every enemy you ever had and French kiss them. Haven’t you always wanted to make your enemies sick? Wouldn’t you love to see those mofos hacking phlegm and snot all over their shoes? Of course you do. Nothing would be more fun. Well maybe shark fishing with my ex-husband’s head.
For the next few minutes we are going to imagine a tranquil meadow covered with our favorite wild flowers. Aren’t they beautiful? The colors so vibrant. Breathe… breathe. You can also hum if you like. Humming totally helps! (Unless a bear or fire breathing dragon show up in your meadow. Then you should shut the hell up.) I’m pretty sure my soul is smiling now. I feel so much love! Remember, when we hate others, we keep ourselves in prison! Love is the answer. Unless you have a pet shark and there isn’t any evidence. Then sharks are definitely the answer.
The thing about being a genius is that I feel so good when I give advice to the people I care about. Another thing that is nice, is how they always follow my advice to the letter! And why wouldn’t they? I mean, if I’m a fricking genius, why would they not do as I say? They came to me for advice. Right? They ask what they should do. Right? They must think I know a thing or two about something. Right? Right.
So then here’s the thing, why don’t they take the fricking advice?! Why did they spend hours talking to me and asking all these important life changing questions, when they weren’t going to do as I advised?! Why did they waste my time? Where can I buy a shark? What time is it on Mars? Seriously, do Martians switch to daylight saving time?
My cousin had a squirrel once that threw acorns all over her driveway. Pretty sure she had it coming.