A while ago, a long while, I know, I told you all the I was having a hysterectomy. I told you about my struggles with cervical cancer, I told you about my struggles with sex and my partnership. (If you haven’t been here long enough to know what I am talking about..read back a few. You’ll catch up quick! Oh- and get tested for cancer!)
So, after a hysterectomy, what changed? Let us look at the list together:
1. Emotions. I am way less emotional on a day-to-day basis. I am not afraid of hearing that word.. cancer. I am not worried, or angry. Some days the reality that I will NEVER have the choice to be a parent again sinks in and hits me a bit too hard. It can be a bit heavy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want any more, nor do I believe that I will, but when the choice is taken from you it is just so, so..Final. Period. That’s it. Final.
2. Sex. Let’s just go there. I know you’re thinking about it- is it better? Yes and no. I do not have the pain I used to. It is really great 90% of the time. Some days though, I feel like I got hit with a bat in the uterus.. even though I no longer have one. Phantom pains? Other body parts caving in to gravity? Not sure yet. That part is still under investigation. I still think it is a HUGE improvement. And then- funny thing- even if you still have ovaries you can experience a drop in estrogen levels. You know what that means? I means you need to use a lot of lubrication! (I am of the mind that you can never have too much in the first place). So we have had to adapt our bedtime practices a bit, but now we at least have some bedtime practices!
3.Relationships. My relationship with my partner has gotten much better, and stronger, having gone through all of this together. My relationship with my family is better. My kids get a happier side of me more often. And my relationship with my doctor is way more comfortable, which makes it more efficient for us both.
I’m not going to tell you it is all roses. It isn’t. I have scars, I have pains, I have a whole new system to work out. It is kind of like entering puberty all over again and having to figure out how my shit works from the very beginning. But it is better. For me.