I never applied for the job. I didn’t seek out a career that had me working 24 hours a day 7 days a week, without pay, or appreciation. It landed on my lap. Even then, I didn’t sign up. I got drafted.
I got picked for the job of motherhood.
Don’t get me wrong. I love it. I love the hugs. The kisses. The cuddles. I love those tiny beasts more than anything in the world.
There are days, though, that I seriously consider handing in my letter of resignation. Just quitting. Finding a new career. Maybe I could take up a job as a janitor? That would be nice and quiet. I clean up everyone else’s crap anyway. I’m good at it. Years of experience. Anyone looking?
The days I want to quit are few and far between… usually at the end of a weeklong battle over who’s the boss with my five year old.
Usually after days of fighting my partner about enforcing the rules, and not overruling everything.
Usually after a week of hearing the two older boys fight with each other, cry, whine, and say I’m bored four hundred times a day.
After endless arguments about the x-box, how whatever I made for supper isn’t what they wanted, after stepping on toys for the millionth time, and cleaning up a room only to go back five minutes later to another mess..
Usually after my patience has been whittled down to a toothpick sized, and equally brittle, part of my personality.
This is when I snap. I lose it. Everyone go to your room! Take your toys with you before they go in the garbage! I’m not making supper tonight or ever again until people start cleaning up after themselves! And my partner gets the “I am not superwoman, so why can’t you just play on my team for a while because I am going to end up in a mental hospital which would be a nice vacation if we could afford the daycare while I am away” speech.
It is these days when I vent. I cry. I feel guilty. I am a shitty, spazz of a mother. I made my kids feel bad for being kids. I raised my voice. Again. Other moms can deal with this shit. Why can’t I? I need to quit. I am not up for the task. I am no good at this whole mother-spouse thing.
Where do I hand in my resignation? Oh, not an option. How about request vacation? No? Hmm.. Is there at least a suggestion box?