Enough About Those Bitches

memes-friends-are-like-bananas[1]Baby poop and dog acne? What exactly has become of this blog. We used to be a self-respecting blog. We were filled with ideals when we first began. We were going to be all topical. Not like something you’d put on a sundae, or a wart, but topical, like important shit. Then we started getting too serious. And Sarah was all, “You’re too afraid of offending people.” And I was all, “Me? Afraid of offending people?” And then I realized I’d offended her so I stopped. I stopped partly because I’m nice that way. And partly because, frankly, I’m afraid of Sarah. Not afraid in the way that you’re afraid of a serial killer, or your neighbor who peeks out the window and watches you kind of afraid. Afraid in the – shit she knows stuff about me – afraid. Also, she has a mean streak. And she likes to throw food at you. I wouldn’t care, but she always throws the food I wanted to eat still. And once the gravy is in my hair, it just doesn’t have the same consistency as it has on mashed potatoes. So I stopped. I also stopped because I can’t afford to lose any more friends. And that, people, is what brings us to today’s subject: Enough About Those Bitches.
So I went to a movie this weekend. It was a pretty funny movie. But not a “I like to spend $12.00 at the movies” kinda movie. So maybe save the $12.00 and wait for it on dvd. Okay, you twisted my arm. Stop now please. Okay, seriously. STOP. I know you are all dying to know what movie it was, so I’ll put you out of your misery. It was that new chick flick The Other Woman. It was pretty funny and has some great ideas if you have an ex you’d like to get even with. Personally, I’m still a let’s pretend you’re chum and let you play with the sharks kinda girl, but that’s me. You just can’t change me I guess. But, you can get some pretty good ideas from this movie too. Anyway, the movie was funny, but made me sad. Not because of the cheating, slimeball husband. Because of the friendship. *Sigh* The women in the movie become great friends. I miss great friends. Honestly, I think Sarah is one of the few I have left. No. Nobody died. Well actually, that’s a lie. There have been a few. Wow. Bigger sigh. I miss those friends. But I miss the friends that are still alive.
I miss these friends because they are simply too busy to remember to put the time into our relationships. We are not angry with each other. Okay. One of them is. We had a stupid fight. It really was a stupid fight. But there is no way around it. Now that friendship is gone. WTF! I miss her too. But this is really about the other friends. Where the hell are you?! We’ve got secrets we would take to the grave! We held each other’s hair while we puked! We peed in the street! You hated my boyfriend/husband when I was too stupid to know any better. I hated yours as well. You dyed my father’s lawn blue! (For the record, if you drink beer and eat cotton candy, your vomit is very pretty) We’ve been through babies, divorces, affairs, death, life! WTF?! Where are you? Pick up the damn phone! Shoot me a text! Do you even have a pulse? Do you deserve me? I’m thinking not. You are so busy with your lives that you can’t take five minutes to say hello? It burns my ass that if you are hit by a truck tomorrow I will be the first one there. I will help you get back on your feet. Because that’s who I am. I thought that was who you were too. It’s harder to make these bonds as we get older. We don’t give of ourselves so easily anymore. We don’t trust like we did at seventeen. No one knows me like you do. We simply don’t have the time. You make me sad. And I don’t like sad. Last call. That’s what this is. I’m not about to beg anyone for their friendship. You make me feel like a stalker when I’m always the one to call. Here’s a thought, I wouldn’t chase a man, so why am I chasing you?

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