When I was pregnant with my son, people prepared me. They said again and again, be careful when you change his diaper. Boys like to pee on you.
So, when he was born, I was ready. I watched carefully for any movement that looked like it could be him getting ready to strike. I kept the diaper hovering over him and swapped diapers out with lightening speed. He tried to get me, but I was fast. I was not going to be the victim of my sons bottom end.
Now I have a girl. A newborn, perfect little girl. Nobody warned me about her peeing on me. Nobody said to watch out for spontaneous fountains of urine… so I figured I could put the ninja suit away and relax a bit. I had one nurse say to watch out for poop in the beginning, but I have known so many people who had girls and never got peed on or pooped on.. so I didn’t keep diapers hovering or use lightning speed to do the diaper swap. I felt fairly safe.
I. Was. Wrong. DEAD WRONG.
In the first week alone my daughter managed to poo on her dad, poo all over several blankets, and change pads, and the dresser… She even pooped into the pages of my newest favourite book.. “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir” by Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess)… Not ON the book.. INTO THE PAGES.. (note: it was on the other side of the dresser from her change pad).
We aren’t just talking about an overflowing diaper with a little leak.. it is projectile poo during the change. We started trying to change her quickly, put up barriers, and used our quickest diapering techniques… the poo kept coming.
It’s like she knows… and if we do manage to change her without getting hit with a slimy pile of poo, she immediately soils the clean diaper, causing us to have to enter the war-zone yet again.
Mothers of Daughters be forwarned.. yes, boys are good at peeing on you if you don’t watch out.. but that precious angel you have in your arms could be the stealth ninja of poop. Beware of friendly fire.