If I Were A Bitch.

If I were a bitch, I would sleep all day and eat nothing but chocolate, bacon, nachos, and drink Dos Equis. That’s if I were my bitch. Okay, I may be confusing a few people. I may also be offending a few people. When I say bitch, I literally mean female dog – as in my female dog.
My bitch is in heat. I’ve seen bitches in heat before, but mine literally wants to do nothing but sleep, eat, whine, and generally feel sorry for herself. I’m pretty sure she must have been a woman in a past life. I wish I knew a good psychic who could do a past life reading on her, because I think we’d find out my dog killed her husband while in the midst of a PMS rage. And hey, who could hold that against her?
I guess my point is this, all women should be excused for a few days each month to deal with the curse. All women should be allowed to curl up with a good book and do nothing but eat, drink, and sleep – just like my bitch does. Well, except my bitch can’t actually read. Thank god. I imagine my ass would be in deep do doo if my dog read this. Can you imagine? Holy crap. It would not be pretty. She’d burst into tears and say something like:
Why did you say I do nothing but sleep, eat, whine, and generally feel sorry for myself?! I hate you!

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