Death, Delusions, Dead Horses And Marriage…

zombiekiyaYou know the old saying “no point in beating a dead horse”? It’s true. NO POINT IN BEATING A DEAD HORSE! Whoa. (See what I did there?) This applies to sooo many every day issues. This could turn into one hell of a novel. But for now, we’re going to stick with what I came here for. DEATH. My point? If it’s dead, leave it the hell alone! I don’t care if it’s your dog, your cat, your budgie, your goldfish, the guy you buried in the basement, your ex-husband, (Who coincidentally could be the guy you buried in the basement) or your marriage. If it’s dead, leave it the hell alone. I can’t say this enough! Did you notice? I could say it again? Are you falling asleep? Hey! Pay attention! I saw your eyes glazing over! (But that’s another blog…)

So today’s subject is death. I would like to write a letter to my former in-laws and friends of my now (For many years!) ex. The letter would go something like this:
Dear former in-laws and friends of my ex
How are you? I am fine. (This is the proper and polite way to start a letter, especially when you plan to hit them with a shovel later.) I am writing in regards to my ex, who shall remain nameless. For now we shall refer to him as Horse. I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop, cease and desist in feeding his delusions that we belong together. But.. but you feel bad for him because he is unhappy? Awww. That is so nice of you. Now knock it the hell off. He is dead to me. Why must you encourage him? The relationships he has been in since we broke up have not worked out? You think it is because he still loves me? Of course he does! What’s not to love? But here’s a clue; we did not work out either. The relationships are not working out because he is an ass. Our relationship did not work out because he is an ass. Oh, and for your information, I’m not waiting for him. I’m not in a relationship because I’m so F-ING DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY ALONE! I don’t want him. You can have him. He’s too ass for me!
All my love, The Psycho EX Wife
P.S. I have a shovel, a dirt room, and the skill to use both.

My ex is a dead horse. The marriage died a long, painful, suffering death many years ago. It’s been dead for so long now that there is nothing left for the maggots to feed on. You couldn’t find the ashes to spread them. And let’s be honest, even if there was anything to dig up, it would be a zombie marriage now. Though a zombie marriage would likely be an improvement on the live version.
So, in conclusion, what have we learned today? Not to beat a dead horse. Much as I would like to. There is still so much room in my basement.


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