The first thing I would like to bring to your attention is your attitude. Holy crap, did you see that accident?! No? Wow. You’re really sick. I mean that nicely of course, as in whoa that’s sick! But not really. You like the title? Yes you do. Stop lying. Honestly, I think you may have a problem, but not with the lying. You’re super good at that. Now admit it, the only reason you are here is because you think poor people can’t have sex! You read the title and thought, Awww, that’s terrible. No one will have sex with the poor people.
So being a pervert is what brought you to this page. Hey, I don’t mind – fact is I knew you’d fall for it. I knew if I put sex in the title you wouldn’t be able to resist this page. I think you should know that I’m not actually going to write about poverty, or sex. Okay, now I’m lying. Thanks. I didn’t know lying was contagious, asshat. And just so you know, poor people are having sex. Rich people are having sex. My goldfish is having sex. The only one not having sex around here is you. I think it’s because you’re a perv. It’s really nice that you care about poor people though. There are lots of us out here. So I’ll give you brownie points for caring about the poor people. But the perv thing… that’s just creepy.
So now that we’ve talked about the sex and the poor people, I think we should address your pervieness. I was talking to the police about you and they said the only way to avoid getting arrested for reading this blog was to send them money… lots and lots of money. The police don’t really have time to be out collecting money from you pervs though, so they said I could collect the money for them. I’m thinking a cool $500 is a nice place to start. You can send me your money through paypal or just mail me your credit cards. The police are greedy so they will take anything. But let’s not tell them I said they were greedy.
They might get upset because they’ve been super sensitive ever since the government took their guns and tasers away and replaced them with fluffy kittens. They still get really riled up over pervs though. No one likes a perv, buddy, so just keep moving along – unless you brought your cheque book. Form a line to the right. No sex for you!