I didn’t go to university until I was 31 years old. By that time I was married and had three children. My marriage was not sexless, but honestly, if my husband knew I was even remotely interested in sex, we would literally go weeks without. I could do my hair, put on makeup, dress the way he liked. He wouldn’t so much as glance at me. Then I’d have those days where I was up all night with sick kids, knee deep in dirty diapers, my hair greasy and stringy from not having time for my own shower – That would be the day he suddenly could not resist me. Suddenly I was a sexual goddess.
I’m sure there are those who think my husband found me irresistible because he saw me as this strong, sexy woman taking care of our family. Well all I have to say to that is, “Sit down before you hurt yourself!” My husband’s sudden interest in me came from the thrill of the hunt. When I was a clean, attractive, willing woman, I was not a challenge. I was boring. My husband didn’t feel the need to conquer me. He’d already done that. And on those dark days, when I was struggling to stay awake long enough to make it upstairs to bed, if I actually turned down my husband’s advances, I could depend on his wanting me for weeks to come.
Something I found interesting, something my husband and I discussed at length on many occasions, was his lack of interest if I initiated sex. During the weeks, when he would find me irresistible, he would ask me why I never made the first move. I would explain, as always, that he had no interest when I approached him. He would of course vehemently deny it. This at times drove me completely insane! So, thinking that maybe I was wrong I would take the plunge and initiate – only to be turned down yet again!
Once I started university, I learned quickly that I was not alone in this. I made friends with several women from various classes and we would meet once a week after class for a drink. There were six of us women and one single man. Each week we would trade war stories about the lack of interest from our husbands/boyfriends. Now before I go any further, allow me to clarify, that these women were not unattractive women. (Not that unattractive women can’t be sexy!) In fact, some of these women were downright beautiful! One was even a former lingerie model. And we had young, healthy men in our lives. They played sports, worked out, had good jobs. They simply did not want us if we wanted them.
We would even test this theory. One week Barb, (former lingerie model), who had been living with her boyfriend for three years, came for our weekly meet up and explained that she had asked her boyfriend to pick out some lingerie from a catalog. She then ordered exactly what he had liked. When the order arrived, she had a bath, did her makeup, then slipped into the bustier, stockings, and panties. She then slipped on a pair of killer stilettos and walked out to the living room expecting to be ravished by her boyfriend. He never looked up from the TV program he was watching. So she stepped in front of the TV. Her firefighter boyfriend merely tried to look around her. At this point Barb grew frustrated and asked him what he thought of what she was wearing. His expression was blank. She reminded him that this was the lingerie that he had told her two weeks previous to order. His reply? “It looks different in the magazine.” He then went back to watching his program.
So where is his body we asked? Meanwhile, Doug, our single man friend, was beside himself. He simply could not believe what he was hearing each and every week. What, he wanted to know, was wrong with our men? He had once fallen down a flight of stairs and then broke his key in the lock because he was armed with the knowledge that his date was wearing a teddy. Now this is what women expect to hear. It is what we are taught by men, by movies, by media. This is, in fact, a lie. Men want what they cannot have. It does not matter if you are dating, living with someone, or married, if a woman is interested – the man is not. Hell, I’ve even known women who have met men on the internet that have this same problem. The women cannot message first. She must wait patiently for the man to contact her or the man backs off. Yet these same men complain that their women are not interested in them!
I read in a article recently that single men are obsessed with sex because they do not have it at there nightly disposal. These men crave sex because they do not know when their next ‘meal’ will be. For men in a relationship it is another story. According to a poll of nearly 2,000 men in long term relationships, men are more likely than women to turn down sex. In fact over 60% of the men surveyed said they turned down sex more frequently than their female partner. And for over 40% of the men, sex once a fortnight was fine with them.
So here is how I’m looking at it: Ladies, we’ve been fed a big, fat lie. And I think this lie has been perpetrated for thousands of years! I believe that way back when the men were out there hunting the wooly mammoth, they were coming home tired and not feeling ‘up’ to the job of procreation, but the women knew how important it was or the species would die out. So we stoked up the fire, made a hearty mammoth steak for our man and did our best to seduce the beast. Meanwhile, the only thing that neanderthal cared about was running wild with the boys. But Mr. Caveman wasn’t completely stupid, he knew to prove his prowess he had to keep up with his buddies in the baby making game. So every morning when he met the boys for the hunt, they would brag about how many women they’d clubbed over the head and dragged back to the cave. Meanwhile Mrs. Cavewomen would roll her eyes and return to the cave. (Most likely to finish where Mr. Caveman left off.)
So the next time you hear a man complain about his woman not wanting sex, give him a slap for all of womankind. Let him know that we are onto him and his shenanigans. Tell him the truth is, there is no secret as to why someone needed to invent Viagra. Tell him his wife is a goddess and he a mere mortal. Tell him about the statistics, and let him know that there are more than a few single men who are obsessed with sex. Single men who would be more than willing to ‘placate’ his woman.
And in case you need further proof of who is truly the sexual being? Just remember, it was Eve who ate the forbidden fruit – not Adam. It was Eve who had them thrown out of the Garden of Eden for being a dirty girl.