Sex is everywhere in Canadian society. T.V. Radio. Magazines. Billboards. Toys. News. Games. Music. You name it, it has been sexualized.
The biggest thing I notice is the oversexualization of women and girls. When there is sex women are almost always the object, succumbing to the will of a man or trying desperately to keep him by pleasing him.
She is demeaned, she is meant to take into consideration his desires not her own, and every role a woman plays has been sexualized. Stay at home mom? Sex in the kitchen. Executive? Sex in the office. Naughty nurse, sexy teacher, hot librarian, even little girls are being shown in sexy poses.
Do we stop to think about what this says? It says that women need to have sex. It says that women need to please men. It says that little girls need to learn to be sexy. It says that no matter who you become, your worth is determined by your sexual parts. It says that what women want doesn’t matter.
It says that WOMEN don’t matter.
This type of conditioning leads to women measuring our own worth by how good we are at sex. If we don’t want to have sex we aren’t good wives. If we don’t have an orgasm but our husband is satisfied then that’s okay. We devalue our own physical and emotional needs because if we can make a man happy by having sex then we are worth something.
It causes a lot of anxiety. A man cheats on you.. you end up wondering if it is because you are no longer good in bed. You want a man to love you, if you are really good at having sex then he will stay and learn to love you. If you don’t have sex a man will leave because, let’s face it, that is all you have to offer.
We end up worried about our bedroom performances rather than valuing our intelligence, humor, kindness, and any other qualities that keep our partners interested and whether they leave because we really are no good in bed, or because we spend too much time worrying about it is irrelevant. If they leave we tell ourselves it was something wrong with us and usually it must have been sex because sexy women don’t get dumped.
Notice the pattern here… women + sex = value. So how lost do we feel when we aren’t sexual? When we can’t have sex? When sex isn’t about pleasing a man? Is it any wonder women allow themselves to be objectified when we feel we have no value? Not really…