I am a hopeless romantic. True story. I believe in everlasting, take a bullet for you love. I believe that there is that one special someone for everyone. I just haven’t met him yet. Now there are people who know me who would say I am not a romantic and, trust me, they have every reason to say this. The reason for this? I don’t want a relationship. I don’t date. Unless I can have everything I want in a relationship, I’m not interested. I have been around long enough to have been married for 18 years and had my share of babies. More than my share. What can I say? I like babies. I am now happily divorced and have been for years. But… let’s start at the beginning…
When I was a teenager I wanted a boyfriend just like most teenage girls. I dated. I fell in love. I fell out of love. I got married. I fell in love… with a homosexual. I didn’t know he was a homosexual at the time, though in retrospect, there were more than a few clues. But, I digress. The point is, I wasn’t having much luck. I never found the one special someone for me. Like many women, I kept settling, hoping this next love would be the guy who would take a bullet for me, but it never happened.
Recently I read a post by Elizabeth Gilbert that really hit home for me. She wrote: Don’t cast a spell over yourself and imagine that they are doing it. In other words, stop making people out to be someone they are not. We really need to be responsible for our own happiness. So often we meet someone and think they are everything we could ever want. We convince ourselves that they hold some magical spell over us and we dive in until we are in way over our heads. Eventually the cracks begin to show, but we have convinced ourselves that we need this person. Sometimes we even believe we can’t live without this person. This isn’t fair to them or us. How can anyone live up to perfection? I think the answer is self love. In order to really love someone and accept them cracks and all, we need to first love ourselves – cracks and and all.
I’ve been alone for many years and I’ve come to know myself and enjoy my own company. In fact it’s just possible, I may be the one! Because of this time alone, this time to really know me, I believe that if i were to meet my someone now, things would work out. I also have a clear picture in my mind who that special someone would be. You see, I have a criteria. Now here is where people start thinking I am not the hopeless romantic. To which I say, why wouldn’t I have a criteria? After all these years and all the relationships, why wouldn’t I know exactly what I want? so here it is – if I’m going to date or marry someone, he needs to be at least 6ft tall, he needs to have a beautiful accent, he must be hilarious, intelligent, kind, warm, loving, giving, an animal lover, he must adore my children, he must be worth a minimum of $50,000,000, he must be willing to take a bullet for me and die smiling.
Okay, so here is where everyone thinks I am a nasty gold-digger. This is what always happens. No one hears anything but the $50,000,000. Just so we’re clear, I have to feel the same about him. You know, the part where I would be willing to take a bullet for him. The $50,000,000 isn’t so I can wear the latest fashions, drive crazy expensive cars, or live in a mansion. The money is so I never have to worry about loved ones with money problems again. I mean, if I’m picking out my one everlasting love it makes sense that I want to rid my life of as much stress as possible, right? And if he can afford to take me to Italy… well isn’t that a bonus? Wouldn’t we have a wonderful time in Verona, Rome, Venice? And hopefully neither of us would ever have to take that bullet. Hopefully, we would die in each others arms, in our sleep, when we are around 160.
So you see, I am not a cold, heartless, bitter old woman. I just happen to know who and what I want. And I’m not willing to settle. Too many people settle. Too many people never take the time to get to know themselves. Never learn to love themselves, if they did, they wouldn’t settle either. They would know they deserved love – real, honest, let me hold your hair well you vomit love.