Keeping The Faith.

Earlier today I was writing this blog in my head. I was feeling angry, alone, bitter. I was thinking of all that has gone wrong in my life. I was angry with the universe. I was angry with God. I was angry with myself. Now usually I’m a pretty positive person. When there is a problem, I always say things will turn out. I’m pretty good at not letting myself get crazy worried about things. The last few months have been a difficult and trying time in my life, but I have not been allowing myself to lose sleep over my problems. I kept telling myself things would turn out. I kept waiting – patiently waiting- for things to turn out. Unfortunately, the day of reckoning has been drawing ever nearer for me. Still I held onto hope. I prayed. I said that I had faith. I was using what I affectionately call my direct line to God. Surely he would come through. I had nothing to worry about.
Today I changed my mind. I was ready to pack up what I believed, seal it in an airtight container and ship it away – FOREVER. I was done. I was feeling abandoned and alone. Bitterness was clogging my arteries. My head hurt. My heart hurt. I believed that nothing could ever be right. I felt that the very people who should care about me the most – people I would gladly die for – did not really care at all. I was having a pity party and I was the guest of honor! I always say that actions speak louder than words. Their actions (or lack there of) told me that I meant less than nothing. God was a fraud. I’d had enough. Then a funny thing happened. Words turned into actions. Things turned out. Just as I always say they will. ( I really need to listen to myself more!)
So here I sit writing a blog that is very different from what I would have written several hours ago. The universe turned itself inside out. God shook his head and smiled patiently at my lack of faith. I smiled (sheepishly) back. My direct line had been working all along. Hopefully I will keep this in mind for future reference. Hopefully in the future I will keep the faith. I need to remember that worry is a human condition – it’s up to me should I choose to participate. I need to remember to stop crossing the bridge before I get to it.

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3 comments on “Keeping The Faith.

  1. Great post, many a time have we felt like this. I think moments like this help us get strogner in our faith so when another moment comes, we can look back to it as something to stand on.

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